Talking with a loved one about moving into assisted living isn’t easy. It comes from a place of love, concern, and wanting the best for someone who’s important to you.
facing challenges
Why This Can Be So Difficult
A major life transition like this often stirs up a lot of emotions. The senior in your life may resist change, and even be afraid of it. After many years of a particular lifestyle, it can be hard to admit that it might be time to move into a new stage of life, such as independent living or assisted living. And for you as their loved one and possibly their caregiver, the idea of moving them into senior living might make you feel guilty, especially here in family-oriented Hawaii where many of us live in multigenerational homes. It’s normal for both you and your loved one to experience feelings of hesitation before you sit down to talk.
starting the conversation
Preparing for the Senior Living Talk
Here are a few ways you can approach this important conversation.
Choose the right moment.
Facilitate the discussion by choosing a time and a place that allows both parties to be calm, clear-headed, and emotionally ready.
Listen more than you speak.
Give your loved one the opportunity to share any concerns they may have. Do your best to not only hear, but respect and understand how they’re feeling about a potential move.
Focus on goals, not limitations.
It can help to make it a matter of perspective. If this change feels scary, highlight the benefits of senior living — no more having to cook or clean, no more worrying about living alone, and so on.
Avoid ultimatums.
You don’t want your loved one to feel forced into a decision that should be mutual.
talking points
What to Say and What to Avoid
Helpful Approaches
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Asking your loved one questions like “What happens when you’re no longer able to live independently?” or “What does living independently mean to you?”
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Creating an action plan together with your loved one
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Keeping it positive and focusing on the benefits of senior living
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Understanding that a lot of seniors’ fear stems from facing mortality, and acting accordingly by arranging for one-on-one counseling or a visit with a pastor or priest
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Offering to tour different senior living communities together
Common Pitfalls
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Resisting the emotions that come with this transition instead of embracing them
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Pressuring your loved one or overloading them with information about senior care
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Feeling like you need to force your loved one into making a decision
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Neglecting to factor illness progression into your loved one’s moving timeline
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Rushing into a choice of senior living or assisted living community
practicing patience
If Your Loved One Isn’t Ready to Move
Sometimes, after talking with your loved one, it may become clear that they aren’t ready for this move. That’s okay. Be as patient as you can — this transition often comes as a series of conversations, instead of just one. Your loved one may surprise you with their ability to take care of themselves, or they may discover for themselves how they’d benefit from moving into senior living. Consider looking into a visiting nurse or other at-home care while you take small next steps like learning together about types of assisted living, or touring senior living communities in Hawaii.
here to help
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If your family is considering a move into senior living or assisted living in Hawaii, it can help to talk to professional staff about what that change would look like. Our team at The Plaza Assisted Living is always here to support you and answer any questions you may have.
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